She's just so "high maintenance" you know.

As the life of a flower,
As a breath or a sigh,
So the years that we live
As a dream hasten by.
True, today we are here,
But tomorrow must leave--
Just a grave in the vale
And a memory of me.

Chorus: As the life of a flower,
As a breath or a sigh,
So the years glide away
And, alas, we must die.

The above song is an old hymn that was one of my Grandpa Wright's favorites. You never hear it anymore because it's one of those early 1900 american hymns that contained lyrics and ideas of a different generation. In other words, people our age stopped singing hymns about dying. Mom sang this song to me this week. Why? Because her roses had started to wilt.

For mother's day, we gave Mom a bouquet of beautiful red roses. Mom deserves a bouquet of flowers on most special days so I add those to my grocery list. In Texas, if you go to the grocery store on any average friday afternoon, you will see several men dressed in their wrangler jeans, big belt buckles and cowboy hats buying a bouquet of roses for their sweetheart. I doubt if they are buying them for any special occasion at all. It's just the weekend and they want to let her know that she is special. I expect to be given flowers for this reason too. I also believe that I deserve manicures, pedicures and massages. I expect to be taken out to eat whenever I want. Women of Mom's generation didn't expect things like this. On valentines day, Mom was given one simple rose with baby's breathe. She didn't expect to get it and it didn't happen every year. Some years, she didn't get anything! She didn't throw a fit and think she wasn't loved. They just said "Happy Valentines day" to each other and that was that. Let's face it ladies, our generation expects flowers, jewelry, chocolate and a date all at once! When I mention to Mom that I'm going out to dinner, or to a spa, my Mom just sighs and shakes her head, stating sadly to her elderly friends "she's just so high maintenance you know". They all shake their heads sadly in agreement. Where did they learn that modern term? I guess from watching TV like everyone else.

Quarantined

Quarantine is voluntary or compulsory isolation, typically to contain the spread of something considered dangerous. A few weeks ago I started noticing that every day there seemed to be less and less residents in the main dining room of Mom's nursing facility. At first, I assumed they went on an outing but when the dining area became obviously sparce, I asked someone,"where is everyone?" "They are quarantined in wing C" they said. The big door for wing C was closed for days and days. An upper respiratory virus had spread to several and upper respiratory often turns into pneumonia and we all know what often could happen after that. Thank Goodness Mom lives in wing A and didn't catch it....yet. It was a 12 day quarantine and yes they lost quite a few beloved mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and friends to the virus. In the mean time, we had a few die on Mom's side of a variety of other ailments. It's interesting to notice the calm way that residents in nursing homes take the death of their counter parts. Most the time, its just a shake of their head and a sigh. Me? I get more upset! I feel so sad for the daughters, sons, grandkids and all who love them. A wonderful lady across the hall that was over 100 passed away of congestive heart failure this week. You could tell she was a great person because she was so loved by her family and friends. I feel so sad when I look into her daughter's eyes and see the sadness and dread. That same face I've seen on several loving daughters in the past year, the expression that's there when you know it's only a matter of time and you wont be able to visit your mom anymore. She's going somewhere else where she can't be hugged or kissed or helped anymore. She's going somewhere where she can't be visited and told about a problem or a stressful day and count on being comforted. When I see those daughter's faces, I want to stay with Mom all day! I cry not for them but for me because I know that time will come and I won't have my mama to learn from, lean on, help or listen anymore. Recently I was having lots of trouble at work and I hugged Mom and told her, "Well at least I know you love me!" She smiled and looked me in the eye and said, "why yes I do and God loves you too! That's the most important thing that God loves you!" Thank you God for giving me some more time with her. Please make it as long as possible and help me to appreciate this time and how truly precious it is. Psalm 9:9
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

Brown, Green & White

Matthew 5:13-16
“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."


I don't know about you, but to me delicious food is one of the greatest blessings in life. Diet experts often try to talk people into looking at it as just nutrition. "There's more to life than food" they say "change the way you think about food and only eat when you are hungry". I wonder what would happen if we all simply gave elderly people a choice.?
What if we all just said "choose between this healthy unseasoned low fat menu and you will live longer and feel better or you can just eat all your favorites just like you like them and be happy and enjoy your food now." If you were 80-100 years old and in a nursing facility, what would you choose?
One of Mom's table mates acts as if she is at a restaurant for every meal. She's a tough old bird, lived in Pittsburg, worked in a factory for years. Every time food is served to her, she immediately shakes her head no and groans a loud groan of discontent. Then she picks up her fork and pokes at her food as if it is a live frog ready for dissecting. "What the hell is this?" she questions. "Is that what they call chicken? There's hardly any meat on it. It's been cooked too long. It's all hard, I can't even stick my fork in it!" She moves on to her salad which always has healthy dark Romain lettuce mixed in, picking up the dark purple crinkled leaf and scrunching her nose at it, she adds" Who eats black lettuce? I've never seen such a thing. Lettuce is supposed to be green!" She then declares, "This isn't what I paid for!"
My mother has trouble swallowing as a result of her stroke. There have been times when she has had her menu changed to the dreaded pureed food. Most people who live or work in nursing homes know that they never want to have to eat the pureed menu. It's basically just a little glob of pureed meat, next to a glob of pureed green vegetable and third glob of pureed potatoes. Mom calls it "Brown green and white."
Lucky for her, she is now eating the "mechanical" diet, meaning ground up meats with gravy on them. As far as the brown, green and white goes, Mom shakes her head and moans,"No one could ever get any enjoyment out of that!"

Mom's on a NO streak.

"My neck hurts, my shoulder hurts" she says. "Would you like me to rub it?" I ask?
"NO, massage doesn't work with a stroke"she answers. "I have that neck thing that I can put in the microwave and we can put it on there to give you some relief, would you like that?"I ask. "NO, it's too hot and it's too much trouble." I say "Did they give you any medication for the pain?" She says "They gave me tylenol every 4 hours but it doesn't work" "Do you want me to get the nurse to give you the prescription pain killer?" "NO, it makes me feel bad and sad and anxious." She says,"I'm not sitting right in my chair, I'm not back enough and I feel like I'm going to fall out." I ask "Do you want me to get the nurse aids to come and situate you better in your chair?" She answers "NO, they can't do that right now, they are feeding the other people, I will just wait." I say, "Well mom you feel so uncomfortable and in pain, I guess I will talk to the Dr. about it tomorrow." "NO, she can't help me, she doesn't know what to do." I continue asking, "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" "NO, but that picture over there is out of place, it's supposed to be in the middle and it's too far to the side. Can you put it in the middle?" "Yes, I will do that for you. Now , tonight you will get a good night's sleep and tomorrow you will feel all better, that's what I think!"I say. "NO, this morning I woke up and I thought I had that fibor mialgia, that's what I woke up thinking!" "OK mom , here's the next question I have for you. Will I ever stop trying to make you feel better?" "NO" she answers.

Rise up & start over! It's a new day!

The Apostle Paul declared triumphantly in 1 Cor. 15: "But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep"

Most people think that Easter is a biblical holiday but it's not. The only time the word "Easter" is used in the Bible is in the King James Version and it was mistranslated. In all the other versions the word and celebration is called "passover". Easter is actually a Pagan holiday about fertility which is the reason for the Easter bunny and the eggs.

Oh yeah, this blog is about "caring for Mom". Well, it is Easter so I just added that little tidbit of info and yes this posting is related to rising up and starting over.

How many times do people have to rise up and start over in their life? How many times have you started over? A new school, a divorce, a new job, financial problems, the death of a spouse are just a few of the times we may have to rise up and start again. How many times has someone who is 100 years old had to start again? I suggest you ask them. Ask lots of them. You can learn all kinds of valuable knowledge about starting over after hard times from an elderly person. It's easy to think that people in nursing home are just "waiting to die". You ask yourself "what is the purpose of their life?" I know that when my mom wakes up everyday, she wonder this too. Then a nurse aid walks in and mom notices she's been crying. The next thing you know, that nurse aid is in Mom's arms telling her how much she appreciates her love and wisdom. As for me, I am an overwhelmed, anxious worry wort! My mom knows that and as soon as she notices this anxiety is getting to extreme levels in my life, she says "Now honey, listen to me, you can't do anything about that so quit worrying about it. Worry is like a rocking chair—it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."

Pain & Suffering

Romans 8:20-22 (King James Version)

20For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope,

21Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.

22For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.

I've had something called Occipital Neuralgia for the last few weeks. If you have read other posts in this blog you know that I should never EVER enter the medical field. I don't like pee, pooh, blood, throw up or even slobber. Here's something I can't deal with even more: pain and suffering. I hate it and have no patience for it.


The symptom of my condition is chronic headache. The pain is commonly localized in the back of head and around or over the top of the head. When I first started feeling it, I went to my chiropractor. Then I went to my regular physician. Then I went to the emergency room and got an MRI. Then I went to a spine specialist and got xrays. I went all of these places in a few weeks just trying to get rid of this pain and suffering. The spine specialist finally diagnosed it. He said to me " I know it's been three weeks and that seems like a really long time when you can't get rid of it but looking at the big picture, the honest truth is that this pain will most likely go away soon!" I said " I guess I just don't have much patience with burning stabbing constant pain in the back of my head." He said "I wish I could just clap my hands and you would instantly feel better." I laughed and answered "well that's what I expect, doc!"

If you really want to know about pain and suffering and how much people deal with, go anywhere around older people. It makes me feel so spoiled that my pain makes me so impatient when I think of my mom. She had a stroke three years ago and there's so much pain and suffering involved in that and nobody claps their hands to make it go away. Like lots of other people with pain and suffering,it's not going to go away until they die. It makes it impossible for them to do anything on their own. They have suffering that makes them so depressed they want to die. My mom just keeps on keepin on! She just enjoys the few things she can enjoy. She just continues to smile and care about others. Every night she prays for others and there's a really long list! It must take her at least an hour! Mom says " I pray for them every night!" I say "there sure are lots of people on that prayer list!" She prays for people in our family who are suffering, she prays for her friends who are ill or grieving, she prays for my marriage, my children, my job and of course she prayed that I would get rid of occipital neuralgia. There she lays with her one hand curled up and useless from her stroke. There she lays in her bed where she can't even turn over by herself. There she lays in pain every night, praying for everyone else. Lots of people suffer with pain. Jesus suffered a lot. He suffered emotionally and physically. I could use some improvement on dealing with it. Nobody gets through life on earth without it. How we react to it, defines our character.

How many ways can we lose our teeth???

Little old ladies aren't all sweet.

People don't change that much just because they are old. They still have their faults. They still have their weaknesses. There's this one old lady Mom and I know that just isn't sweet. She has been married a number of times in her life. I don't know why it bothers us that she acts like she does. You know that girl in high school that goes around breaking boy's hearts just for the fun of it or at least it seems that way. She's that girl you knew who could charm the male teachers and all the other boys too but all the girls hated her. Why? I guess because we could see right through her! Or maybe we were just jealous of her and didn't want to admit it.
It's interesting to me that this particular girl is 80 years old and still going around breaking men's hearts, playing with people's emotions and annoying other women. She's 80 years old and she's still a man eater. This girl is still playing the same old high school games and it's still just as entertaining as it used to be. She's got men, pining all over the nursing home, she flirts, she conquers, she moves on to another sucker and there's one born everyday. Thank goodness she's got one of those motor scooter wheelchairs! She just leaves a trail of suiters where ever she goes. There are little old ladies who lie, cheat, steal, hate and hurt people just like young ladies do. It's not acceptable in our society to admit this because frankly we like to think all little old ladies are sweet. I'm not giving them a break. Little old ladies arn't all sweet.

What goes around!!!

Galatians 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
My mother has never been prejudice of anyone of a different race. In my family, we think being prejudice is not only ignorant but it's a sin. Of course, there are lots of folks who have held hatred for people of other races all of their life. Isn't it interesting that the very same people that they have been complaining about, calling names and putting down all their life are always the exact same people that they have to depend to care for them when they are old? They are the same red necks, wet backs, niggers,spics,yankees,slant eyed,gooks, jewish, coon asses, polacks, catholics, protestants and so on! When you are old and can't do anything for yourself, these people have to wipe your butt and feel compassionate toward you and treat you indiscriminatly. No one knows if these older residents feel sorry about their prior attitudes. So there is one thing to think about before you act intolerant, impatient or hateful toward someone. Someday when you are old, you may be dependent on their kindness.
"What goes around, comes around!"

I've got a Mansion just over the Hillside.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28. Mom says "You know why they call this a rest home?" she continuous "That's all people do here is rest!' Don't think that the Wesleyan doesn't have a full time activities staff, a full time physical therapy staff, a full time speech therapy staff and lots of volunteers that push, pull, coach, tempt, tug and literally beg the residents to do something else. Like most the residents, mom just likes to sit in her recliner and watch TV. Mom uses hand gestures when talking about PT, she holds up her hands and rolls little circles. "I saw you today!" Mom tells her friends, rolling the little cirles to indicate they were in the PT room together. Her friends reply by imitating riding a little tricycle with their feet. I try to remind them "Now come on, it's not so bad, if you don't use it, you lose it." This common declaration just gets the rolling of the eyes response. Why don't they like it? It could be that they never liked exercise, it could be that they tried it for awhile but didn't get any results quick enough. The reasons are as numerous as why younger folks do not work out. I've noticed Mom doesn't like games that children normally play. Mom refuses to get involved in anything like batting big rubber balls, painting by number or balloons. She liked Bingo when they gave away quarters. She had nothing to spend the quarters on but she liked to keep her winnings in her little black purse. "I don't want to play Bingo anymore because now they give away those stupid little stuffed animals." She tells her friend Lola, "and where am I going to put them anyway?" Everyone is not like Mom, many other residents like the games and many others like their stuffed animal winnings. They cuddle them and hang them on their wheel chairs as if they are trophies. "To each his own!" mom says, shaking her head "no" in stubborn protest as if to protect what dignity she has left as a sane adult. Some of the residents carry around life like looking dolls, treating them like real babies. People say that as you grow older, you become just like a child again. People have to change your diaper, bathe you, temper tantrums occur as well as crying and throwing up. It's cute when babies do it but not so pleasant for old people. The problem is they obviously don't feel like children. You can't run, jump and play with all that energy and curiosity. There is that mansion to think about,the one that everyone sings about. " It's just over the hillside, in that bright land where we'll never grow old." I often envision my mother and father smiling, singing, skipping and running up a hill covered in blue bonnets with a pail of cool clean water that they just collected from a beautiful rolling brook, just like Jack and Jill. Dad leans over and kisses her softly and says "I knew you would get here sooner or later!"